A Few Words About Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is coming. Is there anyone on the planet that doesn’t know that? And I’ve got to say, I’m not particularly happy about it. Now before you think I’m really strange, let me also say, I don’t think I’m alone in this. What is it about these so-called special days that makes us edgy and uncomfortable? First of all, every newspaper, magazine, store, TV commercial and any other thing that can speak, is hammering about it night and day. So, why should this make us uncomfortable? Well, here is what I’ve decided is the problem. What if that no-good, obtuse, or slightly forgetful husband or boyfriend of yours forgets to do something about it? Or maybe he doesn’t do enough? Or not what you were hoping? What do you do? Do you get mad? Do you get sad? Do you remind him ahead of time with little hints? Or just, for heavens’ sake, let it go by with nary a word? Do you do what some women have been known to do--go out and buy yourself a piece of jewelry and call it good?

This feeling also happens on all those other days that men are supposed to remember, like your birthday, your anniversary, or Mother’s Day? And what about your kids? Will they do anything? Should they? Will you care?

Actually, to tell you the truth, I think I’ve pretty much gotten over these confusing feelings and the freedom I feel is exhilarating. The latest sign that I’ve passed this milestone is that year before last, both Gary and I forgot our anniversary. Yes, we actually did! I only remembered after my good friend, Carol, called to wish me a happy anniversary, and was aghast that she’d been the one to tell me about it. Later that evening, as I was sitting at the kitchen counter watching my husband cook dinner, I relished my sneak attack.

“Gary, do you know what day today is?” The look on his face was priceless when, after a long pause, I said, “Our anniversary.”

To spare him more agony I quickly said, “Don’t worry, I forgot, too.” And we both burst out laughing.

Now lest you think we have completely lost our senses, we had been having a very busy week, and I think we were planning a trip of some kind, and it was on a Thursday night, and, well, there you have it. It just got by us. We’ve laughed about it many times since, and this year Carol called me early, just to make sure I wouldn’t forget.

But back to Valentine’s Day. The hype on this day is so bad, you almost feel like saying, “Enough already. Let’s not do anything about it and have our own special day later on.” The only problem with that is that you probably won’t have that special day later on because it will just get lost in the whole schemata of life. So what do you do?

I took a big step forward in my growth on this issue when my friend, Mary, came by my office one day after having attended a ladies Bible Study at church. Mary was a divorced mother of two, working free-lance so as to spend more time with her girls, but had dutifully followed my “helpful” suggestion and gone to this group today for the very first time.

“Well, how was the study?” I asked brightly as she walked in.

“Humph,” she said, slapping her bag on the floor and slumping into a chair. “I am so sick of hearing prayer requests from women whose biggest problem in life is their husbands forgetting their birthday or--Valentine’s Day. Like we’re supposed to pray about THAT? I would just be happy to have a guy that came home every night!”

“Hmmmmm!” Chalk up another notch on my learning curve.

Ladies, I think we need to get over ourselves. Whatever the guy is doing, odds are he’s got a lot on his mind. And Valentine’s Day is not at the top of his list. How about this? How about you plan a nice evening for him? Make him his favorite dinner, add a cute card, and if you can get the kids out of the house, light some candles and give him a really special evening. I guarantee you, he will be a happy man. And you know what, you will be happier, too. Forget about what he does or doesn’t do. You do something. Choose to be happy and you will be.

Years ago I read a book called Happiness is An Inside Job. I don’t know if it is even still in print, but its basic message was that WE are in charge of our own happiness. We can decide whether to be happy or sad, loving or mad.

My last thought on this comes from a scripture you’ve probably heard many times. It’s the love passage from I Corinthians 13, and you’ve heard it read at weddings and seen it written on cards, but there is one part of it that always strikes me right in the heart. It starts out “Love is patient, love is kind…” and goes on to say a lot of other good things about love. But then it says, “(Love) does not take into account a wrong suffered …but rejoices with the truth;”

Wow, a wrong suffered. You mean I can let him off the hook and still be okay? Yes, because I can rejoice in the truth that he loves me and is working hard for me, and that making him happy will give me more happiness than I deserve and bless me in ways I could never imagine.

So, ladies, instead of fretting our little hearts out this year, let’s have a happy Valentine’s Day by giving a big bunch of love to that love of our lives—or if there isn’t that one love right now, to all those we love in our lives. I’m betting we won’t regret it.